The Soviets had a five-year plan, the Timbers are doing it in three years

By: Bob Kellett | April 29th, 2008

The Tuesday Tribits arrived on schedule today with news that the Timbers are on track for the three-year plan. Year one, defense. Year two, offense. Year three, sainthood. In a league where player turnover is the norm and financial survival is always in question, it is great to see that the Timbers have the luxury of an owner who is willing to give his coach the time and resources to build a winner. Will that winner include International Man of Mystery, Arsene Oka? For about the 10th time this season the Trib is reporting that he will arrive in Portland this week. Unless he has been working his arse off in Cote d’Ivoire, I don’t see him contributing to this team until June, if he is good enough to crack the lineup. A big if now that Miguel Guante is a hero. We also learn that Justin Thompson lost 15 pounds in three weeks. Yikes.

One of these guys doesn’t own the Timbers

That’s Timbers’ owner Merritt Paulson hanging with his pop (blue button down shirts being the required dress code for all Paulson family outings) and Lou Piniella before the Cubs game in DC last Friday. That might explain why we didn’t see Merritt wielding a chainsaw in Portland this past weekend. Hopefully Merritt was busy rubbing elbows with folks in DC who might help out with his efforts to deliver an MLS team to Portland. Photo

Scariness rankings
The Timbers are on top of the table, they are leading the league in attendance, and now they are ahead in the USL First Division scariness race, whatever that means. We’ll take it.

Only one of these people is an angel

I can’t decide if this is delightful or creepy. Let’s call it delightfully creepy.Spotted here

Ever wondered what a Eunuch sounds like?
Listen to Seattle coach Brian Schmetzer as well as some likable people at The 107 Report.

There’s only one Sancho
I missed this last week. Former Timbers defender Brent Sancho has been picked up by Scottish Division Two side Ross County who are interested in signing him to a permanent deal. Scottish Division Two football might seem beneath a former World Cup player, but Sancho has already seen the very bottom — the bottom of a shite can of Canadian beer in the parking lot in Calgary after playing in a game in front of 300 people in a stadium with no toilets. Let the record show that the Mutha of All Road Trips was the last time I pissed my pants at a soccer match. By the way, do any of you think Sancho would start on this current Timbers squad? I don’t see him beating out Scot with one T at right back or Leo at left back. And I say that coming from the perspective of wanting to name my first child Brent Sancho.