A Fan’s Guide to Attending Portland Timbers games

By: Bob Kellett | April 16th, 2008

I’m going to guess that the vast majority of the people coming to this little ol’ corner of cyberspace have attended at least one (or one hundred) Portland Timbers game at PGE Park. You are seasoned pros. Congratulations. There may, however, be a few people who have never been to a game. Perhaps you are from out of town or from another country (I’m looking at you, my Japanese brethren). Or maybe you are new to the Rose City and still trying to figure out how to pronounce “Willamette”. If you are one of those never-been-to-a-game types, here’s some advice for how to maximize your fun. If you are one of those experts, feel free to leave your advice in the comments.

What part of the stadium should I buy my ticket for?
There are essentially three scenes at PGE Park. In the north end you have the Timbers Army, a rabid, vocal crowd of crazies who have the audacity to stand and sing the whole match. If you are a hardcore fan or if you are simply going to the game for entertainment, this is the spot for you. A general admission ticket will allow you to be part of the fray, which is centered around section 107.

If you want to sit for 90 minutes and really watch the game or if you have children whose delicate ears are not allowed to hear the word “wanker”, the west stands are for you. Sections 215-221 are usually wide open in terms of seating. These are technically more expensive seats than general admission, but a GA ticket is usually good enough.

If you were popular in high school or if you are a person who views high school as the best period of your life, the beer garden might be right up your alley. Located right on the pitch, if you get there early and grab one of the seats along the rail you will have an amazing view. If you get there late, you will have a view of the muscle head dude trying to pick up the tight skirt lady from Milwaukie while they both get drunk on cheap beer from Milwaukee. A general admission ticket works in this situation.

Where should I go before and after a game?
A hefty percentage of the Timbers Army heads to the Bitter End Pub (20th and W. Burnside) before games. The crowds usually start rolling in after 5 and by 6:15 it can be difficult to work your way up to the bar for a pint. The postgame action is a stumbling block away at the Bullpen (1730 SW Taylor). Don’t let the skeezy interior and permanent deep-fry smell scare you away. There is a perfectly nice patio out back. Be warned, the place gets packed quickly and when the Timbers win you won’t leave until the wee hours of the morning.

Can I wear my Sunderland/Arsenal/Rangers jersey?
It is great that you support another team. It is great that you know about soccer in other parts of the world. Leave your kit at home. No one is going to get pissed at you for wearing another kit (unless it belongs to the Seattle Sounders), but why push your luck? If you don’t have Timbers gear, wear something green. If you don’t have anything green, show up to the game naked.

How do I learn the chants?
You will not learn all of the Timbers Army chants in one game. It will take time. There are usually chant sheets floating around the north end. These can help. You can also ask the people around you when you don’t understand some of the drunken lyrics. It takes time, but if you come to enough games you’ll soon be singing the songs in your sleep, at work, and at inappropriate times like funerals.

Where do I buy a scarf?
Those Timbers Army scarves are pretty rad, aren’t they? They don’t sell them in the gift shop or at the stadium. You can, however, pick one up by asking around the north end or at the Bitter End or Bullpen. Chances are someone will have an extra one or direct you to someone that does. If that fails, you can always pop over to Talk Timbers and beg for one.

I love to punch people in the mouth. Is this a good venue for that?
No. The scene at a Timbers game is rarely aggro and that is how most people would like to keep it. This is second division soccer in the United States. If you really get off on seeing a kicked in head, I suggest doing a Google Image search on “Burpo, Preston”.

Where should I park?
PGE Park is located in the middle of the city. There is limited parking around the stadium and frankly if you don’t know where to look you are going to end up frustrated. This being Portland, the better option is always public transportation. The light rail Max lines from both the east and the west stop right in front of the stadium. Bus numbers 15 and 20 (and more) stop there as well. If you buy season tickets you can ride TriMet for free the entire day of the game. You should get season tickets. There is also covered bicycle parking by both the east and west entrance gates. If you take my bike parking spot and there is no rack space left when I show up I will be pissed and ignore what I wrote about not getting aggro at games.

I don’t know any of the bloody players or anything about the team. What should I do?
Go to as many games as you can. Read the Talk Timbers message board. Read this blog. Read these other sites. In due time you will be Rose City Til I Die and you will know why generations of fans will name their firstborn sons Chugger.

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